I Am much honored to be here experiencing life on our Beloved Mother Earth during this time of Humanity’s journey. I would like to share a little bit about myself and why I live with the passion I do to hold space for others. My life has been such a whirlwind of highs and lows and in the beginning mostly lows. Today, I Am experiencing a whole new level of freedom in being me. I Am the little girl that was wounded and has now healed those wounds.
There is not much that I have not experienced in this one incarnation alone. From the womb of my mother I was traumatically birthed. I experienced verbal, physical, and sexual abuse by the hands of my mother and the men in her life, up to the age of sixteen years old. It was at that age I found my way out, and went to live with an aunt and uncle on my mother’s side of the family, as my father was never present in my life, and has never wanted anything to do with me. In fact, he saw me once in a hospital room, as his mother lay dying, and was able to walk by me and feel absolutely nothing. It was devastating, as I had felt sure if he saw me, a spitting image of him, he would not be able to turn away, and yet he did.
When I didn’t think anything could happen to me that I had not already experienced, I lost a daughter and that was really a low time in my life. The unworthiness I felt was at an all-time high and I blamed myself. What could I have done differently? Everyone could see during the short period of time I had with her I was different, I could hardly put her down, and she clung to me and I to her. It was as if we knew that our time would be short, and we took every precious moment. It was then that I went down the road of spirituality through Organized Religion and I spent many years studying and battling with myself and the words written on the pages of these “Sacred Texts”. I was like a sledge hammer beating up others with my Biblical beLIEf’s of truth, as I was trying to convince myself this is what it was all about.
I had been broken in so many ways, and I lived from a place of survival mode. I wasn’t allowed to feel as a child without some form of punishment and if I did allow myself to feel it was too scary. I Am and always have been very sensitive, full of compassion and empathetic for others, very much a caretaker. I navigated through life in a very stoic way. I took all of my feelings and bottled them up inside of me. It also fed the masculine aspects of my personality, and allowed suppression of expression of my feminine energy. I became very promiscuous, because it fed a false sense of love in me. I felt like I was in control, that I was desired, loved and I could walk away not attached. What I really created was more emptiness and pain. I failed in any relationship that I actually attempted to commit to. I found myself mostly alone in the world, but not lonely. I feel that my childhood in many ways prepared me for the path that I would be taking. I really had no one to lean on for a place of comfort during my childhood, and became a very independent woman, because of it. It wasn’t independence in a healthy form. It was a wounded child that had learned to never trust anyone.
I was able to perform well in the corporate world; it was about the only thing I could get right. I excelled in Telecommunications and Data Sales for TYCO Electronics, and became a top Sales Executive. At the time that I was in this industry in my local area it was a man’s world, so I fit in fine. I could easily rely on my masculine energy, because everything was practical, analytical, and a perfect environment for the wounded little girl to stay hidden. I also found some safety in this, because I could provide for my children and there was comfort in that.
The only thing I had in my life that meant anything to me, were my children and I even struggled there to feel that I was good enough for them. I wasn’t taught how to be a mother, how to love and nurture, and I wanted so much more for them. The wounded child found some ways to be free through the playful times of being a parent, and that was healing in ways I didn’t acknowledge at the time.
I met my wonderful husband back in 2002 and for the first time someone offered me a resting place. He gifted me an opportunity to be free for once and explore myself like never before. I took that time and went right back into Religion to find answers. I hadn’t quite stopped exploring that path yet. I studied eight to twelve hours a day for five years, which lead me to learning Biblical Hebrew so that I could grow closer to my G-d. This ultimately led to my freedom from Religion and my journey into real freedom and spirituality. This is when the journey of Patricia Just Being Me began.
I couldn’t continue to live this way! I knew inside of me that I was something much bigger than what I had been taught to beLIEve. I have spent the last three years of my life doing nothing but facing my shit and owning it. I was inspired and mentored by some amazing beings. I will always be grateful to George Kavassilas for a deep soulful connection and for speaking his truth that resonated with me deeply, and confirmed much of my own journey. I had been liberated! Emma Stow, who has been a real siSTAR to me and reminded me of how to love and embrace myself again. Last but not least, Sienna Lea for showing me how to embrace my shadow without judgment. I Am wholeheartedly listening and hearing my inner child. I Am living in a place of compassion, love and acceptance for all of my experiences and all aspects of who I have been. I have released judgments and am finding places that bring peace and healing. I incarnated in this lifetime to transmute the negative energy that has been with me throughout my journey in this universe; this is a huge part of my process in returning to center and bringing balance.
Relationships have been my greatest teacher. Trust was constantly being broken, and it was creating a space for me to return to my heart center and trust myself and my own sovereignty. I Am experiencing a new level of freedom and intimacy with myself and others. It is my passion and purpose to offer healing communication and service back to humanity. My path all along has been service, and now I may be of service fully present, embodying heart, soul and mind that allows for authentic connections for soulful expressions.
I shared my history with you, to let you in on my life story as condensed down as I possibly could. How can I put fifty years’ worth of my life on an about me page? I have experienced loss, abductions and abuse on many levels and I have been the abuser as well. I know what it feels like to live in shame, guilt, and living disconnected from my heart center and in constant states of self-sabotage.
I Am here whole and present and called to support you on your journey to healing. If you feel what I Am sharing resonates with you and would like to have a session with me, please visit my Sessions Page. Love and gratitude always in all ways.